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How Do We Build Meaningful and Authentic Relationships With Students?

Most everyone agrees this is a crucial component of engaging students and helping them learn, but HOW exactly do we as educators build relationships that empower students?

Compliance ---------> Engagement ----------> Empowerment

For some of us, this comes easily and/or naturally. These are the "people" people, those with well developed senses of empathy, or other personality types that relate well to others. These might be the popular teachers, the charismatic leaders, the beloved coach, the ones that just seem to get it. I know we can all think of one or more people that fit that category. These people are lucky. For them, student engagement is often not as difficult. But engagement isn't the be all end all. Students can be engaged but not learn or become better at something. It makes it easier to connect with students, and  might make it more likely that they will learn, but it is not a guarantee. We have to move a few steps further and promote empowerment so students are motivated to do something meaningful in a learning environment.

I'm convinced the difference lies in whether we can CONVEY to students that we care, about them and their education, not whether we care or not. Some may care more than others, but by and large, people are not in the education profession if they don't care about kids. Those of us that do a better job building relationships are also better at ensuring students know and believe that we believe in them.

Here is a list of some places we can start, strategies and practices we can use.

1. Elevate skills not just content. Communication, critical thinking, problem solving are all as important, if not more important, than quadrilaterals or historical facts. Skills are what we all use to interact with information on a daily basis. Students are more than their ability to do math or read (even though those are important).

2. Modify the environment/try a classroom transformation. Struggling readers might try reading if they feel like they are at Hogwarts. Science is a lot more easily digested (and fun) if you're solving a mystery.

3. Phone a friend. Is there another teacher that had a great connection with a student you are having a challenge with that can offer suggestions/input? Is there a school counselor or other colleague that can give you some feedback? Ask one of those people to put in a good word for you with the student!

4. Try a team approach, students tend to love seeing their teachers interact.

5. Learn about SOLE or PBL and try it out.

6. Have a sense of humor. Honestly, this goes so far. As adults we know how important this and how it makes us feel when we are nervous, or make a mistake, or a bad choice, and someone has a sense of humor.  Try putting yourself in the student's shows and asking yourself what you would have preferred as a response. You don't have to tell dad jokes or make students cringe, you can just lighten things up from time to time.

7. Sponsor a club or coach an activity. You don't have to be a basketball player or a champion athlete to connect with students in extracurricular settings. Host a luncheon, or a book club, or a study group.

8. Learn about things your students care about. Even if that is Fortnite or Pokemon.

9. Work smarter not harder. Find ways to embed pop culture or personal knowledge you have in your lessons. Use sentences about your students for grammar units. Read their personal essays and use your formative assessment/data in content so they know you paid attention.

10. Compliment them. Everyone loves positive feedback. This is especially helpful if you can use praise to support a skill or effort they are making. But, even if you can't do that, don't underestimate the power of small comments about the choice of book they are reading, the music they like, or the color they wear often. A lot of conversations can start with someone little.

11. ASK QUESTIONS. Seriously, ask students about themselves. Then listen to what they say. Especially the quiet ones, or the difficult ones. It is shocking how un-used to this students are.

12. Be vulnerable. Don't be afraid to admit a mistake or when you don't know an answer. Tell them about your dog. Give an example of a time you made a mistake or exhibited a bad behavior. Help them see you as people and try seeing them as people too.

13. Make a routine. It can be something as simple as an activator activity students do the first 2 minutes they come in the room before class starts. Or a weekly quiet journal writing activity. Predictability and structure make kids feel secure. If they trust us, they are more likely to believe our intentions are good when we try to make connections or ask them to produce work.

14. Be age-appropriate. Some memes are not intended for elementary students. Likewise, students pick up on tone and intention very well. If you talk to them like they are 2nd graders when they are in middle school, they will know, and they will revolt.

15. Take every opportunity you can find to make it clear to them that you value them. Some educators greet students as they enter the building or classroom. Some have boards where they post achievements or student successes. Some Tweet or Instagram.

So what do we do if we aren't the natural born extroverts and empaths, the comedians, and don't have theatrical or dramatic talents? I can't make a bulletin board to save my life. I am not a Pinterest worthy kind of teacher. Students still flock to my room when they need a quiet place to take space or when they want advice. We have to play to our strengths and utilize our resources, including other people, technology, media etc. Get into your neighbor's classroom and see what they are doing, talk to your colleagues at lunch or during shared planning. If you don't want to dress up as a character from history, find a video of someone who did. We also have to remember that it even though it takes a village to raise a child, it only takes a single person to have an impact and make a difference.

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